danaraLLstars

Tanpa alasan.
Dibilang bosen juga enggak.
Dibilang sok cantik juga enggak.

Tapi..
Gue cuma gak suka aja orang nge-add temen karena liat muka.

Rendahan gak sih alasannya?

1 2 3 4 uuuhhh…heartache, why won’t you leave me? Heartache, leave me alone. Heartache why wont’ you leave me? ¹

Jadi,
dia jatuh cinta pada gadis indo Jerman itu. Hmm. Bukan sesuatu yang
mengejutkan. Gadis cantik dan pintar itu memang masuk dalam kategori
perempuan-yang-harus-dimiliki Galant. Mana pernah Galant tidak memacari
gadis (indo) cantik, smart, feminim, dan jago menulis? Galant gitu loh.
Dia tahu apa yang dia mau. Dia tidak pernah menyentuh perbatasan. Dia
tidak membasuh muka di kolam abu-abu. Dia membuat garis hitam yang
sangat jelas, yang dengan tegas memisahkan keberuntungan kaum indo
Jerman, dengan kaum sawo matang muka pas-pasan seperti aku.

Apa dewa asmara turunan Hitler? Apa dia mau meng-holocaust-kan perasaanku juga?

Aku
memperhatikan dengan seksama foto si indo Jerman di ponsel Galant.
Cantik. Begitu komentarku singkat. Seksi. Tambahku di dalam hati. Gak
heran Galant tertarik dengan perempuan ini. She’s definitely one of
those definitions of heaven and I’m totally a resemblance of hell. Hah.
Aku kemudian memalingkan wajahku ke jendela di sebrang. Otakku
melayang. Seperti apa rasanya diludahi lama?

Out of reach. So far. I never had your heart. Out of reach. Couldn’t see. You’re never meant for me.²

Aku
tahu apa prinsip percintaan Galant. Gue tidak akan macarin temen gue
sendiri, apalagi sahabat gue! Nah, sekarang, angkatlah gelas kalian dan
mengucaplah: kasian, deh, lo! Ya. Terima kasih. Kasih tidak diterima.
Dua posisi kartu mati itu aku duduki dengan sempurna. Tidak
dibayang-bayangi Rossi, tidak disuksesi Aung San Su Kyi. Semua
kesempatan penalti, ditepis manis.

Galant
terus berceloteh gembira tentang si indo Jerman. Yoga mendengarkannya
penuh perhatian, seakan-akan Galant adalah Novi, tunangannya. Sesekali
Galant menyenggolkan sikutnya ke lenganku. Kenape, lo? Gitu tanyanya.
Yah, Ran..orang udah bikin lo sakit hati masih dipikirin aja, sih?
Biaran aja kenapa? Entar lo gue kenalin, deh, ama sahabatnya Lina.
Galant melanjutkan. Lina, itu si indo Jerman. Aku hanya bisa menarik
sudut bibirku, membentuk senyum kecil. Seraya mengibaskan tanganku. Dan
Galant melanjutkan euphoria perjalanan cinta barunya.

Everyday, I pray a little bit about you, love. Everyday, you seem to be the thing I’m thinking of. ³

Desibel
Galant menurun perlahan di gendang telingaku. Mata-mata penuh gambar
hati memudar teratur di duniaku yang mulai menggempa vulkanik dalam.
Kawah hijau mulai memutih. Waspada. Siaga 1. Jangan, Galant, jangan
diteruskan. Teriakku dalam hati. Hati yang membiru karena ada
penyumbatan di aorta.

“Ran,
elo ikut gue aja besok. Gue ama Lina mau nonton The Victim. Entar gue
ajak Lorie, deh. Gue kenalin ama elo. Kebetulan dia jomblo juga, tuh,”

“Hah?
Apa? Gue jadi victim apaan?” aku membelalakkan mata tanda aku baru saja
kembali dari wisata imajiner. Galant dan Yoga gantian membesarkan mata.
Mereka berpandangan.

“Randy. Elo kenapa, sih?” Galant menaruh tangannya di bahuku. 

I’m in the mood for love simply because you near me. Funny but when you near me, I’m in the mood for love. ⁴

4 Jools Holland Band – In The Mood For Love

Author’s note: Funny how love can be is a tittle of Three Berry Ice Cream’s song.

mom,

i’m at cut 2 cut now. the recording just finished and i can’t help my eyes. i’m so sleepy. after the show tonight, i went to dek sarah’s house and fell to sleep around 4 am, after i watched the wicker park. tho it’s a happy ending one, for me it’s so sad. i could feel what alexis is feeling. sometimes, love doesn’t take side on us.

mom,

i’m planning to see miranti after office hours. i don’t feel like battling with the crazy traffic today. so, i prefer to wait until past 7 pm and go home straight afterward. i’m missing you, mom. do you know that? when you were sick days ago, it broke my heart. i couldn’t stand seeing you in such a pain. tho i might seem not care at all, you knew i do, right? and i know, you’re now missing me too.

mom,

last night was great. the crowd was awesome and they all danced out like they’ve never been before. it was so cool! i even kissed a guy on his cheek! can you believe it, mom! it’s your daughter doin such a slutty thing! hehehe. but the guy, i know, he’s the nice one. he remembered all of our songs! he sang "my heart said yeah" together with me. and all of his friends were like ooo-ing and laughing to see us act like we were lover. no. i don’t like this guy. he’s just an object. and fortunately, he happened to be such a great actor. and we played our role pretty good actually.

mom,

please…don’t get mad at me, kay? i’ll be home the soonest i can. and i’m sorry if i’m still single til now. it’s not that i don’t want to walk the aisle, but i just haven’t found him yet. so, yeah..as usual…i’ll be going home alone. oaheemm….i’m so sleepy, mom. and i’m missing you. see you at home.

love,

danar

your first daughter

    - sort of possibility -
do you believe in signs?
can you read it?
for i have lost my vision
and i’ve been waiting alone in the middle of an impossible mission
do you believe in signs?
can you read it?
will you understand how i’ve been giving it to you all of the time?

    - sms on sunday -
it’s enough.
i won’t add my name again when you’re on.
i’ll be leaving you there,
but i won’t go nowhere.
it’s enough.
i won’t thinking about you.
it’s your turn.

    - God, let him move -
cry baby cry
because you’re hopeless on me.
mourn baby mourn
since i have to leave you now.
but what are you smiling at?
what’s on that?
i need you to cry,
beg,
and plead.
not to smile. sincerely.
i’ve been crying
i’ve been pleading.
why don’t you do it too?
for me.
as i did.
for you.

    - juz talk. to me -
jangankan bahasa inggris,
bahasa planet paling aneh seaneh-anehnya planet pun,
gue pasti bisa ngerti.
asal yang ngomong elo.

    - atom of joy -
let me be your ion
plant me into your atom
and we’d be together
as molecules.

    - a fan? -
i don’t intend to be your fan.
but i do stalk you.

    - J.L.’s -
save room for my love just a little
save room for a moment to be with me

    - remembering you -
there’s something affected me everytime i remember you
it’s like got a goose bump
it’s like i wanna do bungy jumping
it’s like getting too much caffeine
my heart pumping
my adrenaline boosting

    - to impress you, when someday we meet again -
i got my hair cut.
do i look cuter?

    - krezy -
please come and eat me.
please come and eat me.
please do come.
do eat me.

    - on phone -
i talked to you this afternoon
on phone
you didn’t sound like you
and you didn’t sound surprise it was me
at all.
what?
were you with a girl there?
hey. take your time.
do please enjoy.
your being.
alone.
like i was always enjoying your being.
alone.

anyway, you don’t have to bare me in mind if you don’t want to.

    - interogating -
am i not interesting at all….
for you?

    - dearly miss you 1 -
your voice.
your shout.
your mistakes.

    - dearly miss you 2 -
i don’t wanna lose this feeling.
yet.
i miss it.
all of the time.
please…please…
come at ease.

    - template # 1 -
don’t say my name, kay? juz play me "anything from Mae" if i may. i thank you for it’s gonna bright my day.

    - template # 2 -
i need a spirit booster now. a song from "John Legend" would "save" my day more than a little "room" for me. ;P ah, ya…don’t say my name, kay? above all, thank you.

    - earpiece -
i heard about it.
so, you won’t be as much as you were before, huh?
ah, definitely gonna miss you.
it was heartmelting to hear you joking, you know?
ah, too bad.
i just borrowed my friend’s earpiece, merely to pin you on my ear.

    - save room -
you don’t need to be always in a rush for anything in this life. when it comes, it comes.

    - mulai ragu -
ngantuk. tapi hati menyanyi john legend. hum…kinda kangen. kapan lagi bisa ketemu, ya? padahal sama-sama di jakarta. apakah nanti excitement-nya masih sama? apa bakalan masih ada?
   
    - lip service -
take care.
stay there.
all the best.
God bless.

i’ll leave now.
i won’t contact you anyhow.

i want to wait for that day
where we can sing our own stupid song
when skies are rainbow
and raindrop keeps falling on our hearts

i want to wait for that day
the day this madness promised me
stay
not to walk away
cause it’s going to be a beautiful day

as beautiful as your eyes
as heavenly as your smile

will you be there?
at the day that i’ve been waiting?
to kiss each other passionately under the traffic light
and dance thru dead poetic’s song?

the best is yet to come
and i will wait for that day
when we’re going to try our wings and fly